Coping Ahead: Making a Plan for Difficult Situations

What is DBT and the “Cope Ahead” Skill?

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is an evidence-based cognitive behavioral treatment originally developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan to help people manage intense emotions and build relationships. One of its core pillars is Emotion Regulation—the practice of understanding, navigating, and reducing our vulnerability to extreme emotional states.

Nestled inside this module is a skill called Cope Ahead.

Simply put, Coping Ahead means rehearsing a plan for a stressful situation before it happens so that you aren’t forced to rely on your panicked, reactive mind in the heat of the moment. Think of it like an athlete watching game tape or a pilot practicing in a flight simulator; you are building neural pathways for success before you ever step onto the field.

When & How It’s Useful

Cope Ahead is specifically designed for situations where you can anticipate a high emotional tax.

• When to use it: Use it when you have an upcoming event that you know has a high probability of triggering intense fear, anger, sadness, or anxiety. If you find yourself dreading a specific calendar date, that is your cue to Cope Ahead.
• How it works biologically: When we are highly triggered, our prefrontal cortex (the logical, decision-making part of the brain) goes offline, and our amygdala (the alarm system) takes over. By visualizing the event and deciding your actions in advance, you significantly lower your emotional arousal. When the actual event arrives, your brain recognizes the situation as “familiar” rather than an active threat, allowing you to stay grounded and in control.

Cope Ahead in Action: Real-World Examples

To give you an idea of how versatile this skill is, let’s look at how Coping Ahead applies to three very different, commonly emotional situations.

Scenario 1: The High-Stress Professional Meeting

• The Trigger: Presenting a project pitch to executive leadership.
• The Anticipated Emotion: Intense anxiety, fear of negative evaluation, physical shaking.
• The Cope Ahead Plan: Scripting the opening three minutes to minimize freezing, scheduling five minutes of deep breathing right before the meeting, and planning a specific “reset” action (like taking a sip of ice water) if a question catches them off guard.

Scenario 2: The Strained Family Gathering

• The Trigger: A holiday dinner with a relative who frequently asks intrusive questions or makes passive-aggressive comments.
• The Anticipated Emotion: Resentment, explosive anger, or an urge to abruptly leave.
• The Cope Ahead Plan: Setting a hard exit time (e.g., leaving right after dessert), preparing two polite deflection scripts (“Let’s talk about something more fun—how is your garden doing?”), and identifying a physical escape hatch, like stepping outside for fresh air every hour.

Scenario 3: Managing Medical or Health Anxiety

• The Trigger: A routine blood draw or dental procedure.
• The Anticipated Emotion: Panic, helplessness, physical nausea.
• The Cope Ahead Plan: Bringing noise-canceling headphones with a pre-saved, immersive podcast, using aromatherapy (like a lavender essential oil rollerball) to override the sterile smell of the clinic, and practicing a mental distraction game (like naming an animal for every letter of the alphabet).

Step-by-Step: Build Your Own Cope Ahead Plan

Creating a customized Cope Ahead plan is straightforward, but it requires honesty about your triggers and a willingness to integrate other supportive DBT skills. Use the steps below to map out your strategy.

1.Describe the Situation (with just the facts.)

Write down the upcoming event clearly and objectively. Stick to the facts without judgment. Who will be there? Where is it happening? What exactly do you expect to occur?

2.Identify the Emotions and Triggers

Name the specific emotions you are likely to feel (e.g., shame, terror, rage) and rate how intense you think they will be on a scale from 0 to 100. Pinpoint the exact moments or words likely to trigger you.

3.Select Your DBT Coping Skills

Decide exactly which skills you will use when the emotions hit. This is where you bring in other heavy-hitting DBT tools to form your defense line (see the skills menu below).

4.Mentally Rehearse

Close your eyes and vividly imagine the situation. Visually walk through the trigger happening, feel the emotional surge in your imagination, and then visualize yourself successfully using your chosen skills to handle it beautifully.

Your DBT Skills Menu for Step 3

To make your Cope Ahead plan truly effective, lock in a few of these classic DBT skills to deploy during the event:

• TIPP (Distress Tolerance): If you anticipate absolute panic, plan to change your body chemistry fast. Pack an ice-cold water bottle to press against your face, splash cold water on your face, or plan a burst of intense exercise (like jumping jacks in the restroom) to shock your nervous system out of fight-or-flight.
• Radical Acceptance (Distress Tolerance): Acknowledge reality as it is. Tell yourself beforehand: “This meeting will likely be uncomfortable, and my relative will probably say something annoying. I cannot change them, but I can control how I respond.”
• Opposite Action (Emotion Regulation): If your fear tells you to avoid the event or hide in the corner, plan to do the exact opposite—walk into the room, stand tall, and initiate a conversation.
• Mindfulness of Current Emotion (Emotion Regulation): Plan to simply notice your feelings without fighting them. If you feel your chest tighten, observe it like a wave passing through you rather than a catastrophe.

By taking a few minutes to anticipate the challenge, map your tools, and mentally practice your response, you shift from being a passive victim of your emotional triggers to an active, empowered director of your own behavior.

Free Printable Worksheets

For a list of more coping skills, print out this worksheet.

For a template to write out your cope ahead plan, print out this worksheet.